Mermaid Lemonade

11:23 am

A Serious Man

9:30 pm

9:49 am

My mother keeps making claims that she is worried about me, and that all this worrying about me she is doing is making her sick. It’s her birthday today - her 50th birthday, in fact - so what I’ve done for her is put together a little booklet briefly outlining all the men I’ve slept with so far in my life in an effort to reassure her that actually, I am fine.*

When I first had this idea, I tested it out on a few people to see what they thought, one of whom reacted with complete horror. However, they shouldn’t have been worried because my mother has a very similar sense of humour to me, and I can assure you that she will find this funny. Honestly, she’s going to be relieved at the modest number of pages more than anything.

*This isn’t her real present. I also bought plane tickets for both her and I to go to England and France for a holiday after I graduate from my degree in the middle of the year.

3:08 pm

Words to live by.

1:06 pm

Pet Peeve

I hate when people trail off instead of asking a question, especially when they do it to waiters or shop assistants.

For example, instead of saying “Excuse me, where is the sugar?” to a barista, a man in front of me in the café at lunch today said “And the sugar is…”

This infuriates me.

9:22 am

Marry me, Adam Richman. Can somebody please get me The Food Channel for my birthday? I am in love.

11:08 pm

Refused - New Noise.

10:57 pm

Girlfriend - Girl’s Life.

All my friends are at Future Of The Left, I’m at home looking up 90s Australian pop hit music videos on YouTube. I think we all know who the real winner is tonight.

P.S: Love you, Robyn Loau.

9:37 pm

“ I have enough sand up my vagina without having to piss on a beach, thanks Guv. ”

— Me, in a cockney accent to my friend Tom who took me to a beach and suggested I use it as a toilet.

1:26 pm

The challenge of Korean food is the conflict between being actually full and wanting to devour every last delicious rice grain left in the bowl.